The Book of Madness
Before me lays a black book upon a bed of feathers, dark red stains lay upon its pages, watery drops that have come from me. A silver candle is lit to the right of it and the winds of sage ruffles its pages as it blows across from the left. A sight that makes my heart falter and my barriers drop, this is where my whole soul comes forth, this is where I do my work, my gravest work, my hardest work. Black candles await upon a silver holder engraved with spirals; with one pull of a lighter, they are ablaze. The fire flickers, making shadows dance along the wall. The light is dim, but warm, I sit upon a blanket of black wolf fur so soft it tickles the skin upon my thighs. My insides are buzzing with the thought of what is to come next. This is my sacred space, my holy space. If only the world knew what inner demons I have conquered here, what monsters I have slain. If only I knew when the work would be done, but until then I return again and again to the book that has helped heal the most treacherous parts of me. If you were to open it, the pages wouldn’t make sense. They would be out of order, chaotic, upside down, and inside out. Random words and phrases would be written in all manner and styles. Colors of the rainbow would be drawn, black masses that have filled my mind and beautiful detailed pieces would be soaked into its sheets. I am anything but put together, I am tearing, breaking and clawing myself into pieces, so that I can let go of all that is not me, and put myself together as I see in my own mind’s eye, not anyone else’s. So much work left to do, and only the black book of madness understands how much of me has so much left to still figure out.
It holds my darkest and deepest secrets, my shadows that came from places I never knew existed.
We are all equal parts light and dark and we all deserve a safe sacred place to hold space for those aspects of ourselves. So please hold time and space for yourself love. I am holding it with you, let’s do it together sister.
Photo by Sergiu Vălenaș on Unsplash